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Apple is hiring a barista – here’s why it might be a very stressful job

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SAN FRANCISCO – Apple is looking for a new barista for its Bay Area visitor center, but aspiring coffee artisans beware: It doesn’t sound like the job will be anything like the typical Starbucks gig.

The coffee crafter will be tasked with making a “stellar” espresso that lives up to company standards — and those standards are nothing to shrug off.

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For example, design maven Jony Ive and his team of creatives use coffee to power through three hour brainstorm meetings, where they do casual things like design the next iPhone.

According to Leander Kahney, author of “Jony Ive: The Genius behind Apple’s Greatest Products,” their meeting room has some sort of insanely expensive espresso machine. It used to be the $3,000 Italian Grimac, but after that machine started leaking, the team replaced it by an unknown but likely equally boffo brewer.

The barista job Apple is currently looking to fill likely won’t be making coffee for Ive, but the company has high expectations for the role. Apple is still searching for someone who can make a stellar beverage “while maintaining speed, quality and consistency.”

Those interested in the position should remember that while their customers will be the people who created the products that arguably run the world, they, too, are only human and require coffee to get their mega-brains revved up in the morning.

Applicants should also keep in mind that if they don’t micro foam their lattes to perfection, they could be held personally responsible for the next MacBook bug.

The job also requires an “interest in making guest’s espresso special à la latte art” while maintaining a positive demeanor. That means the barista should refrain from scowling at the intern who requests that the barista draw a teddy bear in his latte foam every day.

The visitor center café — where the job is based — could potentially be a grueling place to work. Even though tech offices are often designed to be relaxing, comfortable places that encourage employees to work long hours, the description of the barista job mentions that it could involve “environmental exposure to cold, heat and water.”

That sounds a little ominous. Will crazed engineers be throwing water on you as punishment for subpar coffee? It’s hard to say.

As a kicker, applicants should be aware that, while serving high quality coffee beverages with a smile on their faces to some of the busiest and most stressed out people, they must be “groomed in appearance at all times.”

That could mean that if Apple’s grooming standards are as high its coffee standards, they should get ready to serve up beautiful latte art at high speed — all while wearing slacks.

Caroline Cakebread